Friday, May 23, 2008

The War Zone

4 AM: I awoke to a lovely sound. The sound of my dog having an attack of explosive diarrhea. IN MY BEDROOM. I immediately shot straight up as there is no sleep deep enough to hide that sound and was immediately hit with possibly the worst smell on this planet. Bianca was Rambo with a different kind of gun. Bruno, feeling like he’s under attack, jumps on my bed as we both hear more attacks from down below. I jump off the bed in a desperate attempt to get the armed assailant outside, only to step into a nice warm pile of disgustingness.

!$@#%*&. <---- CENSORED

I flipped on the light and discovered she’d not only turned the wall into something that resembles paint splatter, but my carpet was now polka dotted as well. I hop back to the bathroom to hurry and clean my foot, while Bianca's rampage is still going strong. Bruno won’t come off the bed. I get the pup outside and start grabbing the cleaning supplies. Funny, I could’ve SWORE I bought a new bottle of stain remover. I’ve got nothing. At this point It’s laughable. I clean up the mess but the atrocious smell is looming…so I found the best thing I could to mask it. Pledge.

Bianca, why oh WHY do you wake me for number one but heaven forbid you keep quiet for this?

I love my dogs, I love my dogs…

9 comments:

Kristin said...

Wow! Gotta' love it! I'm so happy that I have friends and neighbors with dogs, so that Noah can enjoy them and we can avoid experiences like yours. ;) That is until... who knows! :D

xoxox,
Kristin

Britta said...

Holy rusty nails! This post had me howling!!! I probably shouldn't laugh when you were so obviously trapped in your own poop haven but dang, that's funny! Did you get to go back to sleep???

All I really know is that I'm glad it happened at your house this time!!!

lizzo said...

Oh my gosh...THIS is why I don't have dogs. Bless your heart, there's a special place for you in heaven.

Oh and I need help with my blog.

Clancy in Idaho said...

UGH! Is that what you meant by a JUICER in the text to Britta?! That is juice of the worst kind. I can smell it as I read. I've had dogs too. I think I'm feeling a little sick....

April said...

Wow Honey, I can feel your pain. Nothing can get your heart beating faster than hearing your child walk into your room and stand next to your bed and call out "mom", followed by that unmistakable sound of their entire dinner about to come up. Then you grab them and run, therefore leaving a trail to the bathroom. There is no easy way out of the situation.
By the way I finally wrote on my blog.

The Kemp's said...

I think you should have some kids too to throw into the mix! Did a drive by on Monday, you weren't there. Miss you!!

Aaron and Angie Olson said...

Michelle,
That is hilarious yet I feel bad for you. What we will do for our dogs I tell you. I'm not sure I could have stomached that. You always have the funniest stories. I love reading your blog.

Holmesiefamily said...

Wow Mich! That is disgusting in every sense of the word. I too have experienced many poop catastrophes but have yet had to clean it off the walls. Do they make diapers for dogs? Maybe something you should look into. At least you can thank your lucky stars it ended up on the wall and not in your closet or on your shoes.

Melanie Posell said...

Michelle-

It's Melanie Posell (Chad's wife). Long time no see. I'm so glad to have found your blog from Nicole's!