I am not dead inside after all...

I cried today. Grab your tissues.

Wordless (sort of) Wednesday

Please tell me that Marc contacted some of you too? Anyone?

--Michael

Have You Seen Me?

It’s doubtful. I’ve missed so much lately because I’ve been absent from the blogging world. Let’s face it, I’ve just been absent lately. I have no idea where old Michelle is. She is there somewhere begging to come back, but I usually suppress her with a donut.

The last few months have been absolutely ridiculous for me in the luck department. Here’s just a *few* reasons explaining my absence:

Bruno, my very un-athletic dog, tore his ACL. It was awful. He cried and limped around and the only option the Dr. had for me was surgery. $2300 is no laughing matter. But all I could do was laugh because I can’t cry lately. I asked them how much it would be to just remove his leg (after all, he’s lived with one eye right?) They were appalled. Here’s a sad little tidbit. It would only cost $150 to euthanize my dog but $2300 to ensure he recovers. Goodbye rest of my savings. Post surgery, the surgeon tells me he has a 50-80% chance of now tearing the ACL in his other leg and to keep my dog from acting like a dog for the next 8 weeks. Lovely.

My laptop had a total hard drive crash. Goodbye 7 years of pictures and music. Did I back up? No. Why? I had ZERO clue I had to do that. Imagine how devastating that is. I want to cry, but I can’t. I also spent money trying to recover all the data but it didn’t work. One day later, my home PC also crashed. The day after that, my awesome phone that I love, started to kill over. Michelle Allison repels technology.

Night before Christmas, I was with some friends and we got in a car accident. My side was the side that was hit. It sucked, it also hurt. Sadly, Lori’s car got the worse of it. It could’ve been worse right? All I could do was laugh. This was getting ridiculous.

Week after that, got pulled over for not coming to a complete stop on a right hand turn. My first ticket since I was 16. The cop was a douche.

Week after Christmas, I decided it was time to go to the Dr. I’d been really sick with horrific stomach cramps and nausea. It turns out I’m pregnant. Lovely. Just kidding. I’m just constipated. The X-ray showed a good 10 lbs of crap inside of me. YAY! I felt so much better knowing what was wrong. He gave me some stuff to clean me out. Sadly, it didn’t work as well as he’d said and two days later I was back to feeling awful. I called the Dr. who told me I needed to go to the E.R. A nurse at worked thought it could be an intestinal blockage and they were very serious. I really want to cry at this point. The tears just aren’t there. I go to the E.R. on New Years Eve. Then I was discharged 3 hours later for a “spastic colon.” What the crap?!?

Days later, I got a notice from Murray City to appear in Court. I have two different case numbers. This is just getting ridiculous. One is to appear because of my traffic violation. The cop wrote me down for not having insurance. I GAVE him my insurance card, but because it had expired, I’m being sent to court. The second offense is for not having my dogs licensed. I have both of them licensed. Apparently when my dogs got picked up by Murray City Animal Control for chasing the ducks (I’ll tell you later) they had me register my pup. I did. Apparently I missed a step and didn’t register it with the Courts.
Murray City, I hate you.

Last week, my boss Bruce changed offices. He conveniently scheduled the move the week of the inauguration in D.C. when he’d be gone. A big thank you to Dad, Uyen, Lowder and Amy who helped me rock it out. It took up too much of my life for a month. Thank heaven it’s over. Bruce, thanks for the expensive lunch we took ourselves to. You paid for it.

SO…that is just a glimpse in my life the last little bit. I won't even mention my mental state of being. It can’t rain all the time, right? Oh wait…I did just get pulled over again for speeding. That one I deserved. :)

I’m back!

Announcing Clivchelvis and Melwen

Good crap. I saw this on Liz' blog and had to know what the children of Clive Owen and Michelvis would look like. Poor little bastards.

Who are your neighbors?

Last night, I was outside in the yard with my pups when some guy walked up with his dog. The doggies all made friends and he and I started the obligatory small chat and I learned that he lives a block away from me. He was really nice and was being playful with my dogs but I noticed his eyes kept wandering to my chest area...but ignored him because he was really nice and I figured he'd be moving along shortly. On the contrary. My new overly friendly neighbor stayed 30 minutes...and not picking up on any of the hints that I was busy. Not only this, but he keeps trying to kiss Bruno on the mouth. He is turning his blind eye. Bianca won't go near him. Finally, I tell Mr. Friendly that I have to leave and nice meeting him, etc. etc. He leans over to the dogs and tells them they are so beautiful. Then he proceeds to tell me that I am "just as beautiful as my dogs" followed by him grabbing my face and kissing me. Insert shock here. Then he took my hand and said, "Hi I'm Patrick." And then he walked away. Patrick was completely drunk and It was only apparent when he kissed me. I can't stop laughing. Or crying.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Yesterday, my mother had to say goodbye to her baby. My brother Ryan left for his mission right before her birthday. The tears were agonizing for all, but my poor mother was dealing with a heartache beyond what any of us could comprehend. I know she is aching and I know that this is going to be a hard birthday for her.


I have the most incredible mother in the world. For as long as I can remember, my mother has always told us kids we were the loves of her life. Her actions have never made us doubt that love for one second. Mom has always been there for every special event in our life...such as dance recitals, soccer games, shopping for dances, and she was even there when I got suspended in school for trying acid. Ok, that part is a joke...sort of. I didn't get suspended. :)

I was also very proud to show my mother off. I thought my mother was the most beautiful woman in the world and when it was bring your parents to school day,I would beg her to wear my favorite outfit with her pretty heels. I would always stare at her because I thought she was so beautiful. Vickie and I were fortunate to have 7 years of just the two of us. Some of my favorite memories with my mother were going to Pineview every Saturday to swim. I would lay on top of her on top of the floatie and we would float on the water for hours just laying there together. I also remember that she really loved The Carpenters, Barry Manilow and The Letterman and we'd dance all the time in our little apartment...and during slow dances she'd let me step on her feet and she would lead. Every night, she'd throw a record on the old player and we would sit in the rocker and rock before bedtime. We would talk and talk and then she'd carry me into bed and tuck me in.

I know my mother struggled being a single mother but she made sure I never went without and I don't ever remember wanting for anything. In fact, if memory serves, I wasn't very happy when she married my step-father.

My mother has always been my biggest fan. She always challenges me to be a little bit better. She teaches me how to love and about God through her example of how much she loves and serves others with no expectation. She takes a very active interest in my life and my friends and truly loves who I love...except those who've hurt me, and they can all burn in hell...how dare you hurt her baby?!? Whenever we hurt, she ached. I love children, and can't wait to be a mother someday. Hopefully I'll do my mother's love, justice.

My mother lives in my laughter.

Happy Birthday Mommy!

This was pretty much me at the airport this morning...

Saying goodbye was SOOO hard. I'm a very sad little monkey today.

It has started...

Be warned. I'm emotional. The realization hit me last night that I wouldn't have many more opportunities to just call my brother when I wanted to. I called him had to tell him how much I loved him. I meant to keep it casual & free of emotion...
No dice.

This morning I received a message from him saying he loved me and that I was the best sister and his best friend. BRING ON THE WATERWORKS. Has it stopped? NO!

Anyway...this post was merely for journaling purposes...carry on.

Quote of the Day

In talking with a dear friend, we'll call her Fritta (to protect her anonymity) she was telling me about post baby nookie. Then she said possibly the funniest thing that's ever come out of her mouth. "Nookie was really hard before the baby because both of our bellies were fighting for real estate."



I heart friends.

When I Die

It would be really cool if my loved ones would bury me in this...

Why Being Friendly To Everyone Isn't Always A Good Thing

Don't you love that feeling when you know someone has a crush on you? It's almost empowerment. You feel more confident, you feel sassy, and most of all, you feel downright hot.

EXCEPT...

When the person who has a crush on you looks a little something like this...
oh yeah...and she's a WOMAN!!!

Britta's neighbor loves me. Not only that, but my new lady friend has been to prison. Not only that, she asked me to make her more cupcakes. One time I gave her and her girlfriend some cupcakes but now I wonder if she saw them and thought it was some innuendo. They were beautiful creamish frosted cupcakes with 1 little blueberry in the center for decoration. I saw a cupcake. I have no doubt she saw a nipple.

"Forget Michelle, Thank you for Ryan"

I realize I'm not the first person to have their baby brother go on a mission or the last. I'm just the most proud. Today was Ryan's farewell. Though I've known it was coming, the reality that he's leaving didn't set in until he stood up before the large crowd and shared his thoughts on prayer and his testimony that he knew this was where he needed to be. I cried. My family cried. I looked up and all 3 members of the bishopric were wiping their eyes. Ryan is going to be such an amazing missionary because he's an amazing person. I ache. I don't want to, but I do. The simple truth is while I know this will be good for him, I can't help but think of my brother and friend whom I won't see for two long years.

We had lunch at my parents house following the farewell. There were so many loved ones there from our past and present. Even some of my girlfriends who just like to oogle Ryan came. It was so great to see everyone. We felt loved.

The highlight of the day was when my lovely friend Lowder was leaving. She turned and hugged my mother and said, "Forget Michelle, thank you for Ryan."

The Call of Duty

Britta's body is a wonderland.It produces the most beautiful children. Even if one of them is half Mark. I'm slow to report but I must share my experience with the arrival of precious Adalie. For months, Britta joked with me about being in the room when the baby was born because Mark told her he wasn't really good with the whole birth "thing" so she asked me to come in and help her out when the time arrived. I was completely honored. Britta is my sister in every sense of the word and I love her dearly and it meant so much to me to even be asked. Fast forward to B day. I got to the hospital and was happy to see that Britta's friend Clancy was in town and Britta's mom Bobby was in the room. Apparently Britta was trying to be wonder woman and go natural with her delivery. Admittedly, I had a good laugh with myself when I heard this. Not that I think that Britta couldn't do it, but I just know my girl.

Note: To all you amazing women who've chosen to deliver natural and remain drug free during your labor & delivery, I commend you...but I think you're a total masochist. No one thinks you're mother of the year because you've elected not to go the epidural route. Why not make the entire process a little more pleasant by numbing your downtown?? I think using a tampon hurts. I can only imagine how delightful squeezing a little watermelon out of me must feel. Not all drugs are bad. Especially ones approved by the FDA :)

Note 2: Britta's OB/GYN is freaking AWESOME. He was my buddy from the get go. Not an ounce of ego in him. He came in and watched Britta enjoy some contractions and kept whispering to me that he knows Britta will cave and then he bet me $10 she would ask for an epidural.

Sure enough, Britta came through for us and begged for an epidural. At this point she'd barely reached 3 cm. I love that girl. I sort of wonder if Britta had the whole Angel/Devil dilema thing going on. Clancy was the Angel saying "You are strong, you can do this, let me help you" and I was (of course) the devil saying "Drugs are good, take them and let Clancy help you"

After the epidural, we had a really fun afternoon just chatting and making jokes and around 4:45 Britta told her nurse she really had to go number 2 and wanted to try to do so before the baby came. The nurse tells Britta that isn't number 2 that is the baby's head in the birth canal. WOO HOO! Nurse starts getting everything ready for the baby and the Dr. comes in. Now...when Britta asked me to be in the room during the delivery, I assumed It would be sitting in a chair in the room saying encouraging things. I got the shock of my life when Dr. Neilson told me to get on her side and grab her leg. Clancy and I got on either side and each grabbed a leg. Mark was by her head...

I REALLY tried hard to look at Britta and not down at her crotch but seriously couldn't help myself. Clancy was the respectful friend keeping eye contact but I was too enthralled. At one point I saw this gray-ish small bubble down there. Clearly never having seen my vagina at this angle, I asked the Dr. if I had one of those bubble things. He laughed and said "Um no. That is the head crowning." Phew.
Britta pushed for all of 10 minutes before we were graced with little Adalie. I cried louder than the baby did. It was such a beautiful experience and I felt honored to be there to witness such a miracle. While Britta and Mark were holding Adalie, I stuck around Britta's downtown to ask more questions. Dr. Neilson told me he was delivering the afterbirth and did Miss-ask-a-lot-of-questions want to watch? Heck yes I did. Again, I didn't mean to be as eager as I was but I was just awestruck about the entire experience. I might have got my face a little too close during one of the placenta tugs because a huge spray of blood nearly hit my face. It was like Carrie when the pigs blood spills on her. Everyone laughed a little too hard at that.

All in all, it was a wonderful experience and the atmosphere was fun and relaxed and we laughed a ton. Britta, I'm sorry I couldn't stop staring at your crotch. Thank you for allowing me to share the experience with you. I shall never forget it.

Guess Who I Got to Meet Today?

THE PROPHET!

So, for those that don't know I work downtown at the Triad Center where Channel 5 and the new BYU campus reside. I was taking a new employee to the security office to have a badge made up and they told me I would have to wait 10 minutes. So I went down about 15 minutes later and I asked the security guard who was more important than me right then and he responded, "Thomas Monson" Oh. My. Well...Yes, he IS more important than me. He also mentioned that if I would stand by the elevator I would get to see him rushing past. Sure enough about 20 seconds later, the Prophet walked through the doors and he did not rush by. He stopped and spoke to the guy who happened to be closest to the door. He made small talk with the guy and then came over to me. Just him walking towards me making eye contact, I was giddy. He extended his hand and asked my name and I said "Michelle" and then he said "pleased to meet you Michelle, what is your last name?" (I believe he probably got a bad feeling about me and probably wants to consult with me later.) Then he told a story about a baby he blessed years ago named "Bucket" it was random but sweet. After he left, I was beside myself and I just remember feeling blessed to be near a Prophet of God. Usually the opportunity to see him is with 80,000 of your fellow Church Members and you usually don't have the opportunity to shake their hand. I also know that based on how I've been feeling lately, it was no coicidence that I didn't go get the badge done sooner. It really truly made my day and I felt that pure goodness that emanated from his entire being.

Love in the Purest Form

Okay, this is a very random post (when are they not?) but I had to share this because it literally made me bawl my eyes out. For those that don't understand how someone could live with pets (even after having pretty shoes chewed) may have a better understanding to the unconditional love that you experience with pets as shown in the video. Honorable mention to Marevis who sent me this.

Here's the story:

In 1969, two friends, John Rendall and Ace Berg, purchased a lion. At the time, Christian the lion was a 35-pound cub. He had been born in a zoo. The friends raised Christian in their London home. All three hung out in a friend’s furniture shop on the weekends.

Within a year, Christian had grown to 185 lbs. Rendall and Berg realized they couldn’t keep him much longer. But they didn’t know what to do with him. A chance encounter changed that. Two actors from the film Born Free walked into the furniture store.

The actors recommended a conservationist, George Adamson, living in Kenya. Christian was soon in Africa. There he was rehabilitated and released into the wild.

In 1974, Rendall and Berg decided to visit Christian one last time. He was now a wild animal. Adamson told them it was doubtful that Christian could be found. No one had seen him in nine months.

The two flew to Kenya, anyway. On the day they landed, Christian appeared outside Adamson’s camp. Somehow, he knew. He waited outside the camp until Rendall and Berg arrived.

This video was taken during their reunion with Christian.

In Memory...

Something really bad has happened and I don't know how I'm going to make it through this.

RIP BEAUTIFUL GIRL, RIP.

Men Want Me, Martha Stewart Fears Me

I totally planted flowers. I'm pretty much the coolest dysfunctional 30 year old living with two dogs that I know. First of all, I cook. Second of all, as of tonight, I plant flowers. "AHOY I'M SAILING!!!"

Scared of me being my own hot sexy housewife...who plants flowers. Maybe I'll go tie a quilt now....okay that was just sick and wrong but the point is I probably COULD!

Tonight Lori and I decided to have a last minute F.H.E. together which consisted of Thai Food and planting flowers. My poor yard is still torn up from the sprinkling system being installed and flowers helped immensely.


The Finished Product

P.S. I was joking about the men wanting me...but that beotch Martha trembles in my presence.

Church and Cheesecake

It's not everyday that we realize how blessed we are with certain people in our lives but I am grateful that today was one of those days for me.

Amy was asked to speak in church and so some of us gals decided to surprise Amy and show up for her talk with Amy's parents in tow. Amy gave a wonderful talk about Fathers and afterwords, we rendez-vou'd at my house to try my new cheesecake recipe. What better guinea pigs than my wonderful friends? They've been subjected to my cooking lately both good and bad but they are great with feedback and it allows me to try all those recipes that I always say I'll make 'one day.'

As we were enjoying the cheesecake, I had an overwhelming sense of happiness and felt the urge to capture this moment to remember it always. Of course, the second I get the camera for a snapshot, my ever so humble friends posed for the camera.

Mare, sorry you had to leave early and miss out. You were missed.

Happy Fathers Day Pop!!!

I just wanted to wish my dad a Happy Fathers Day! While we didn’t have a great relationship while I was growing up, it’s definitely grown stronger and though I give him a really hard time, I love and appreciate him.

Because he’s a pretty cool dad, I decided he deserved a pretty cool gift. A Beef Jerky Neck Tie. Now when he's hungry at church, he can just gnaw on his tie.

The War Zone

4 AM: I awoke to a lovely sound. The sound of my dog having an attack of explosive diarrhea. IN MY BEDROOM. I immediately shot straight up as there is no sleep deep enough to hide that sound and was immediately hit with possibly the worst smell on this planet. Bianca was Rambo with a different kind of gun. Bruno, feeling like he’s under attack, jumps on my bed as we both hear more attacks from down below. I jump off the bed in a desperate attempt to get the armed assailant outside, only to step into a nice warm pile of disgustingness.

!$@#%*&. <---- CENSORED

I flipped on the light and discovered she’d not only turned the wall into something that resembles paint splatter, but my carpet was now polka dotted as well. I hop back to the bathroom to hurry and clean my foot, while Bianca's rampage is still going strong. Bruno won’t come off the bed. I get the pup outside and start grabbing the cleaning supplies. Funny, I could’ve SWORE I bought a new bottle of stain remover. I’ve got nothing. At this point It’s laughable. I clean up the mess but the atrocious smell is looming…so I found the best thing I could to mask it. Pledge.

Bianca, why oh WHY do you wake me for number one but heaven forbid you keep quiet for this?

I love my dogs, I love my dogs…